Conversations with Samuel: "Your face is funky."

So, Sammy's growing up. He'll turn three in about a month. I'm not sure how kids do this--how they keep coming up with ridiculous responses to simple questions, how they stage lengthy conversations between their toys and their toes, how every day is beautiful and every car is amazing--but I love it. It's entertaining. And it makes watching those four scenes from Cars bearable. (Currently introducing Sammy to an alternative: four scenes from The Triplets of Belleville, my favorite animated film about a boy, his bicycle, and singing triplets. It's lovely.)

Me: "Sammy, can you please apologize?"
Samuel: "That's a big green Cadillac!"
Me: "That's not an apology."
Samuel: "Sorry, that's a big green Cadillac."

Me: "Let's read another book."
Samuel: "Probably not."
Me: "What would you like to do instead?"
Samuel: "Eat cake."
Me: "Probably not."
Samuel: "Cake is beautiful."
Me: "So's an apple. Let's eat an apple."
Samuel: "Apples are funky."
Me: "You're funky."
Samuel: "Your face is funky!"
Me: "No."
Samuel: "Probably yes."

Me: "What are you doing?"
Samuel: "Cars and feet. Lightning McQueen is talking to my piggies."
Me: "Yeah, I don't think he is."
Samuel: "Why, Mama?"
Me: "Because cars are cars and feet are feet. They don't converse."
Samuel: "That is mean to say that!"
Me: "Look, I love you. I love your feet and your cars--"
Samuel: "And my nose?"
Me: "Yes. Your nose, too."
Samuel: "I love your nose! It's so smooth and shiny like a candy."
Me: "Alright. Thanks, Sammy. I love you, too."
Samuel: "I love you, Mama! Can Lightning McQueen talk to your candy nose?"
Me: "No. Yes. Sure."
Samuel: "Ok, Mama." "I is Lightning McQueen. I want to eat your nose."
Me: "Please don't."