Q&A with Milka

Me: "What did you say? I couldn't hear you."
Milka: "Heads can't come off."

Me: "What are you counting?"
Milka: "Your moles."

Me: "What are you doing, sweetheart?"
Milka: "Coloring on the couch with this pencil."

Me: "Do you want some cherries?"
Milka: "Girls can eat them."

Me: "Should we work on that puzzle?"
Milka: "My shirt is pink, and my sandals is pink, too!"

Me: "What?"
Milka: "Why do babies have surprises?

Happy Birthday, Milka!

Happy third birthday to my littlest love! Time flies when you're having fun/crying/shouting about pink ponies/singing David Bowie songs/hitting your brother/hugging your brother/dancing.

Samuel Luka, Flag Enthusiast

LOOK AT ME, WRITING A BLOG POST!

Sammy has a new obsession: flags. Yesterday after school he told me, "Mama, look what I did for an hour today! I drew the flags of the world from memory! I only remembered forty-three flags, though. I'll do better tomorrow." You're right, son. I expect more than FORTY-THREE FLAGS FROM MEMORY. (No. No, I do not.)

Here's an actual thing Sammy said about flags yesterday: "Margentina's flag is fun to draw." When I told him that was not a place, he insisted it was and showed me the flag of Macedonia. Later he referred to Macedonia as "Maceroon." So, his genius has limits, obviously.

Sammy's Flag Facts, Or: Things Sammy Said About Flags Yesterday
"Whoever designed Japan's flag was kind of lazy."
"Croatia's flag is the best. Also, Brazil."
"I'll tell you one thing: Canada needs a different flag. It's too hard to draw."
"Russia's flag is like someone stuck a blue stripe through Poland's flag."
"Switzerland's flag is easy."
"Ireland is a lot like Ivory Coast, but the opposite."
"I forgot about Bosnia-Herzegovina."
"Ukraine's flag is not that great." (Timely.)
"You think Palau is easy to draw, but that circle is not in the center. You think it is, but it's not."
"Nepal's my favorite."

Note: Sammy's flag knowledge is brought to you by this beautiful book.

Milka: Tiny Dancer

Milka knows the best dance sessions involve a Croatian picture dictionary and/or Zlata's Diary. She usually claims the dictionary; I get Zlata's Diary. Oh, you don't dance with a dictionary? YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

Toddler Personal Ads

If toddlers wrote personal ads, I think they would look a lot like this.

Gummy bear enthusiast seeks generous friend with sweet tooth. NO SOUR STUFF.

Mama's darling seeks cutie-pie with long arms and/or access to a ladder.

In search of playmate with pink books. Subject matter irrelevant; shocking pink preferable.

Do you like to eat small rocks? Let's eat small rocks together!

Would like to meet: petulant sweetheart with IKEA mini-kitchen.

Need a purple unicorn. Urgent.

Are you a champion clementine peeler? Do you like to take off your shirt, shoes, and pants at the park? CALL ME.

Night owl seeks plush owl for cuddling. Plush fox ok.

Do you like to shout about excavators? Let's shout about excavators together!

Looking for someone to help me rip apart my brother's library book. It's about trains.

Daddy's little girl seeking gingerbread man for afternoon play date.

Christmas Cuties!

 

Nuvember: Tooth Fairies and Queens

Sammy calls this month "Nuvember," which is adorable and, yes, incorrect. We've mentioned the proper pronunciation about five thousand times, and he usually acknowledges us and then three seconds later says something like, "Milka, Nuvember is what this month is called. Remember when I told you that [three seconds ago]?"

Tuesday Sammy had to go to the dentist to have two teeth pulled (his permanent teeth were coming in behind his baby ones), and I nearly convinced him that his tooth fairy is a Russian immigrant named Boris who drives a tow truck by day and delivers monetary rewards by night. I insisted that Boris had a window decal on his tow truck that states, "ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME," and that if Sammy wasn't nice to Milka, Boris would give him nothing and leave a note that said, "Boris give you nothing." Sammy thought this was great and went to bed dreaming of a Russian stranger named Boris. Obviously, I'm a wonderful mother. In the morning Sammy found $5 under his pillow, and the box holding his teeth had been transferred to the back of a tiny Hot Wheels tow truck. (That last part was Will's idea. GENIUS.) Boris left a note that extolled the virtues of eating fruit and being nice to your sister, and even though Sammy's response to the note was mainly, "Hey, isn't this the paper you use to write lists for the grocery store, Mama?", I thought I had fooled him. Then he told Milka about it all and ended with, "Boris is Mama." I responded by shouting, "NEXT TIME BORIS GIVE YOU NOTHING," which is definitely how an adult should respond. I regret nothing.

Thursday at the grocery store I accidentally referred to Milka as "Milka face." Naturally, she was indignant. She then shouted at me, "NEXT TIME YOU NO CALL ME MEEKA FACE. YOU CALL ME MEEKA OR MEEKA QUEEN."

Also Thursday I was reading Milka a story about baby animals (it's called Baby Animals), when she interrupted the story to pick up her pretend phone and shout, "HI, BAKA. I LIKE DIDA'S EYE. I HAVE RUNNY NOSE. YOU ARE MY LOVE. BYE BYE."*

*Yes, Milka speaks exclusively in shouts or mumbles. The mumbles are generally confined to things she feels less confident about (*mumble* "I no like spiders with eighteen legs and a seppa-la-torax"). She shouts when she is sure of herself ("EVERYONE CALL ME MEEKA QUEEN") or talking to her grandparents. She's a lot of fun.

Happy Nuvember, people!